Keepsake Ornaments

I have never been very good about remembering to take care of our keepsakes. I remember to keep them but they are in different places in storage and I never get around to doing anything with them. But when I saw one of my friends on Facebook post about making keepsake ornaments, I thought it looked like a great idea! At Michael's last night I snagged a great deal on large clear plastic ornaments and I couldn't wait to get started! 

The project was fun and so easy! I used little booties that my sister in-law knitted for Isaiah, cute little shoes and a headband given to us by a cousin for Gracie, and sweet shoes crocheted by a lovely woman who I have never even met in person for the babies. Sadly, only one of Isaiah's booties fit inside and I had a hard time positioning it to see it well, but the others turned out great! 

It's things like this that I hope will leave a legacy for my children so that one day when I am gone, they can keep those ornaments on their family tree and do the same for their children. 

How I Lost 25lbs in Two Months

I am writing this story to tell you about this amazing journey of transformation that I have been on for a little while now. I know that it is long, but if you bear with me, I hope that you won’t be disappointed! I am by no means an expert and I am definitely not what you would call fit. But in September I made a choice. That choice was to stop making excuses, to get up off the couch, and to be an active and healthy wife and mother for my family. 

I have always been a big girl. Food has often been my best friend and my worst enemy at the same time. My eating habits were tightly wound up in my emotions and I had very little self-control when it came to food. I have wanted to get healthy but I didn’t know how to do that. I would try different diets but it was never long before I would slip back into my old habits. I would try to be more active but as soon as my knees or back would start bothering me I would be back on the couch. Any sort of emotional trauma (big or small) would send me into a spiral of depression and failing on a new diet or workout routine would only make it worse. I made excuse after excuse but ultimately it came down to my heart. I was afraid of change and afraid to push myself. 

I had always thought that despite my weight, I was relatively healthy with hypothyroidism being my only “disease,” which I would have had no matter my size due to the high number of my relatives who were being diagnosed. However, that idea was squashed when I was pregnant with the twins and was diagnosed with gestational diabetes and mild preeclampsia. While both are somewhat common in twin pregnancies, your chances of getting them are greatly increased by weight. I was able to control my gestational diabetes with diet and I went on bed rest for the last month of my pregnancy, delivering a little early due to my blood pressure. 

After the babies were born I had a scary couple of days with severe headaches and extreme swelling and had to go back to the hospital for tests. I had postpartum high blood pressure and my doctor put me on medicine to control it. When my blood pressure was still high at 6 weeks postpartum, I was diagnosed with hypertension. That was it for me. I knew that something had to change but with twin newborns, a one and a half year old and a five year old, I was very overwhelmed and a change in diet and activity level was out of the question. 

In the spring my dear friend, Tia, started posting on her Facebook about this amazing transformation from the 21 Day Fix by Beachbody. She had lost so much weight and she was feeling awesome! I was intrigued. I followed her stories and couldn’t wait to see her continue to blossom! Then one day I got a Facebook message from her inviting me to try the 21 Day Fix because it was a great program for busy moms with only 30 minutes a day AT HOME to work out and an easy to follow diet plan. I was very interested but ultimately decided that it wasn’t the right time. I was very overwhelmed with life, not sleeping, and I was worried that any change in routine would upset the delicate balance of all of our lives. I joined Tia’s challenge group to be inspired by her and others on a daily basis until I felt like I was ready. But the wheels were turning…

During that time a very dear friend passed away from a lifelong battle with an autoimmune disease. She faced more trials and tribulations than anyone I had ever known, yet she faced it all with a smile. Her life’s motto was “Choose Joy.” She inspired me so much that I named my little Grace Emily after her. No matter the circumstances of her life, she chose to look to the Lord for her strength and find joy in the trials that He placed before her, because she knew that He had a great plan for her life and that He would use her story to impact many people. I longed to find joy in all circumstances but I was still fighting to survive life with all these children! God placed many reminders in front of me of His blessings and to choose to be joyful. He reminded me time and time again to praise Him at all times. He was really working on my heart! 

In September Tia announced that she would be holding a couple’s challenge and I got so excited! The moment I read it I KNEW that was my chance! I knew that Will and I could be stronger as a team than I would be as an individual so we signed up. I was ready. We purchased the 21 Day Fix program and I dove in fully! I spent a couple of weeks before the challenge practicing meals and teaching myself a little bit about nutrition. I searched for recipes and I tried out new foods. 

Then it started and Will was amazing! He was faithful to do the workouts every single day, even when I was sick and couldn’t work out for a few days and even when I hurt my foot and missed another couple of days. He was right there, working out every single morning. His dedication inspired me so much! He was my hero through that entire 21 days! We often talked about how much food we were eating compared to what we thought we should be eating. The difference was that it was GOOD food. As in CLEAN, REAL food! There was a different 30 minute workout for each day of the week and they were very challenging but easy to follow. They got easier each week as our endurance grew. We had so much fun working out together and taking selfies after each workout session. 

We started to notice that the weight was shedding off! We felt so much better and our stamina was increasing. We were getting stronger, we had more energy, and we were shrinking. By the end of that first round Will had lost 11 lbs and 7 inches and I had lost 13 lbs and 11 inches! We turned it into a friendly competition--whoever lost the highest percentage of body weight would get to choose an item off of our Amazon Wish List and purchase it, no questions asked. Will beat me by a small fraction but he won fair and square and he earned it! That little competition helped to keep us engaged the entire time.

I am still working the 21 Day Fix and going strong, despite a couple major setbacks involving diastasis recti (an abdominal injury caused by the twin pregnancy) and arthritis in my knees. I have had a few slips this round but always get back on track! The changes in my body have been incredible! I have so much more energy to complete my daily tasks as a wife, mother, and keeper of the home, my digestion has improved, and my complexion has become smoother. I can see my biceps and calved beginning to get more toned. One of the more surprising differences is that I am staying fuller for longer. I always thought that “dieting” meant you were hungry all the time but that just is not the case when you fuel your body with exactly what it needs. This isn't a diet! It's all about changing your outlook on food. It's about giving your body the nutrients it NEEDS, not the junk it craves. My body definitely feels different when I eat processed, fatty, salty, or very sweet foods and I don’t like it! I feel sluggish and weak. With all of these things going on, my proudest accomplishment thus far is being told by my doctor that I no longer have to take my blood pressure medicine after losing  total of 25 lbs! 

The changes I have noticed in myself aren’t just physical but spiritual, mental, and emotional as well. I am finding myself thinking more on my relationship with the Lord and how I have been destroying His beautiful creation with junk and laziness. I am seeing myself in a new way, through His eyes as a child of God and worthy of His love through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. My mindset has shifted from having a “desire” to lose weight to a determination that I have never before seen in myself, and that has been the biggest driving force in keeping me going. My determination to be a wife and mother who is present, engaged, and enjoying life WITH my family instead of watching from the sidelines over-powers any excuses I try to make. I am happier and more confident in not just my looks, but what my body is capable of doing! My ability to use self-control has been getting better and I am finding it easier to say no to temptation. 

I have learned over the last 10 weeks that just as we should choose to be joyful in all circumstances, we must also choose to be determined. Determination is a choice that we must make every single day, every single hour, and every single minute! One key factor in helping me to embrace this journey I am on was learning that this is not just about getting healthy, but about a lifestyle! I have learned the importance of meal planning (my worst days food-wise are ones in which I do not think ahead) and food preparation. I have learned how to incorporate more movement into my daily routine, how to eat a well balanced diet that is high in vegetables and protein, that things I thought were good for me actually weren’t, that it is so important to never look back at your failures but to always look forward, to give yourself a little grace, and so much more that I can’t possibly fit into this story!

This is one of my favorite pictures because I felt strong and slim that night after my workout! I can see my own confidence shining through in this picture! 

And now I want to help other people find this determination in themselves. We are much more capable than we think we are! I want to tell you that you CAN push aside those fears and those excuses and get fit and healthy! I know that there are so many people out there like me who are afraid of change, who keep making excuses, who desire to change but just don’t know where to begin. I am still learning and I definitely don’t have all the answers but I do have some tools at my disposal and I would love to share those! I would love to learn with others who are determined to make this change in themselves as well. We can’t do it alone! One of the most important things that I have learned is that accountability is ESSENTIAL. There have been so many people who have inspired me along this path and if some of those people hadn’t taken the time to truly invest in me, I would not have made it this far. If you are interested, please contact me via email at igjohnson085@yahoo.com or through Facebook messaging. I would love to walk this journey with you! 

Determination is a Choice

Well hello again! My last post was in June. I have started many posts and not completed them in the months since but I always have the excuse that I don't have time to be blogging. While that may be true, I am here today to talk about excuses. Some are okay and reasonable, such as not having the time to write a blog entry because it is not very high on my priority list. Having sick children is a good excuse for not being able to fulfill my responsibilities in the church nursery (sorry, Cristy)! But a very important lesson that I am learning now is that there is absolutely no good excuse to ignore your health. I am not here to lecture anyone because I have been making excuses my entire life, but I do want to share with you this amazing transformation that has been taking place in me over the last couple of months.

I have used every excuse that you can think of to not exercise or eat well. "I'm waiting until I can strengthen my back, right now it wouldn't be able to handle a workout." "I am so busy and I don't have time." "My children need me to be happy right now, not grouchy and starving." "I'm going through a hard time and need my comfort food!" "It's too cold (or too hot) to be going outside." "I need to research first." "The holidays are coming, I'll start next month." "Now isn't a convenient time." There are many, many other excuses that I have made for my lack of fitness over the years and they all made sense to me at the time but now that I know more some of them sound flat out idiotic! How many of those have you used?

I had a major scare during my last pregnancy when I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes and post-pregnancy hypertension. The GD is gone but I am still on blood pressure meds and borderline diabetic. I knew that my health was in serious trouble if things didn't change. But I still made excuses! Now, I will admit that having newborn twins that I was exclusively pumping for was an okay excuse for not having the time or energy to get involved in a serious fitness plan, but there really was no excuse for how I was eating. I kept telling myself, "You've already lost all the baby weight, you're fine for now!" But I knew that I wasn't. 

So something was brewing inside me. I knew that I had to be healthy for my children. They needed a strong mama who could sit on the floor and play with them or run outside with them. They needed a mama who would be around for a long time. They needed a good example NOW before their habits were set in stone. I had been thinking a lot about how I could get down to a healthy weight without compromising who I was. I wanted to continue to enjoy life and not eat boring food and spend a big chunk of my day working out. I didn't know how to do any of it. I passed on an opportunity to do the 21 Day Fix in the spring because I wasn't ready but when my friend started a couple's challenge group for October, I jumped on it! Something inside of me clicked and I was suddenly ready. My husband joined the challenge with me and we ROCKED our first round of the 21 Day Fix. We discovered that healthy food didn't have to be boring and that working out just 30 minutes a day was all that it took. We both lost a pretty significant amount of weight and we discovered that we were so much stronger than we ever thought. We had a blast working out together! Who better to work out with than your best friend? 

The whole experience was summed up for me in one morning. I fell and twisted my ankle during a workout when I only had 3 days left to go. My first thought was, "Oh no! I can't work out any more!" AND I MEANT IT! I was devastated. My ankle hurt for a few days then was fine, but I realized that morning that my determination to get things right this time was stronger than all of the excuses I had ever made. I realized that determination isn't just an attitidude, but it is a choice that you have to make every day. 

Here are some things that I have learned over the last couple of months:

- WANTING to be healthy and being DETERMINED to be healthy are two different things.

- Eating well doesn't mean you have to eat less. You eat less of the junk and more of the GOOD stuff. 

- Food preparation makes eating clean so easy!

- Making a new change isn't about dieting, it's about a lifestyle change.

- The more GOOD stuff you eat, the better you feel. The better you feel, the less you want to fill your body with junk.

- Healthy food can be mighty tasty! Coconut oil makes every vegetable taste so much better.

- Exercising and eating well is fun.

- Saying "no" to temptation gives you strength! 

- You can do ALL things through Christ when you trust in Him (this is something that I knew before but had to be reminded of constantly)! 

So we are starting our second round of the 21 Day Fix today! We are really excited about all that is happening in our lives and we can't wait to share it with you! I'll be sure to keep you updated on our progress. We are FAR from our goals and we still have a lot to learn but we WILL get there. I'm not here to sell the 21 Day Fix or anything but I do believe in the program so if you are interested, contact me and I can get you in touch with someone who can help you! No more excuses. Just get it done! 

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

Why yes, I do have my hands full, thank you!

"You have your hands full!"

When I heard this phrase the first few times when I was expecting the twins, I didn't think much of it. Then after a while and especially after the babies were born it started to bother me and I don't know why. Perhaps it was because I heard it ALL. THE. TIME. I would get so irritated every time someone said it. But then it occurred to me that unless spoken in a tone of obvious disdain and malice, these comments were most likely innocent and from a good place. Even if they weren't, was it my place to get mad and huffy? No! It is my job to show Christ's love to everyone. I now hear something along these lines every time I go anywhere with all the children and all I say is, "Yes I do!" Because, yes, my hands ARE full! I say it with a smile to show love to others and that even though my hands are SO full and I am exhausted beyond belief, it is a good kind of full and a true blessing. I am still a work in progress and the comments do get to me on occasion but I try my best to portray my blessings as such!

I really like what this lady says in her post on the Humbled Homemaker.


"Live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God." Ephesians 5:2

Homemade Crockpot Yogurt

What you will need:

Crockpot

1/2 gallon (8 cups) whole milk (or 2%, but the thicker the better)

Measuring cups

1/2 cup starter yogurt, any flavor (must have live active cultures, check the container for these words- most store bought yogurts will work for this) Can also just be 1 whole individual serving size container

Whisk

Blanket

This yogurt is so easy! 

Put the milk into the crockpot and turn on low.

Set timer for 2.5 hours

Turn crockpot OFF

Set timer for 3 hours

Do this step quickly!

Remove 2 cups of milk from crockpot, whisk in 1/2 cup of starter yogurt then add to crockpot and whisk together. Put lid back on and wrap the entire crockpot up in the blanket. Leave like this for 8-12 hours. We usually just do it overnight. 

That's it!! 

In the morning stir your yogurt, put it in a new container, and stick it in the fridge! If you want Greek yogurt, strain through a fine sieve until it reaches the desired consistency. You can then use the liquid (called whey) collected in place of buttermilk in recipes. 

Vegetarian Taco Casserole

My husband affectionately calls this dish "Taco Irene" because, well that's my name and I invented it! This is a cheap and easy meal! I used to eat this with spicier salsa when I was overdue with my first baby and it always gave me "stirrings" like I might go into labor. I never did, but when I made this dish for a friend she DID go into labor that night! It hasn't worked like that since but I do like to make this for mothers who are about to have their babies. Maybe that's just my thing. 

Ingredients

-1 cup rice, uncooked (we use brown rice to add a little extra health boost)

-2 tablespoons homemade taco seasoning or 1/3 package of taco seasoning

-2 cans or 2-3 cups cooked beans (I usually use a combination of kidney and black) 

-1 jar salsa

-tortillas (optional)

-shredded cheddar or nacho & taco cheese 

How to make it

Cook rice according to directions but add taco seasoning to the water. When cooked, begin layering with tortillas on the bottom (if using), rice, beans, salsa, cheese, then tortillas again and so on. 

Cover and bake at 350 for about 30 minutes until heated through. 

I didn't get a picture of the finished product. But it was good! I like to serve this with a dollop of sour cream and corn on the side. 

Homemade Taco Seasoning

I have found that this tastes similar to the store bought stuff but I love making my own because I can control the amount of salt. We love it in our family!

2 tsp minced dried onion

1 tsp salt (or sea salt)

1 tsp chili powder

1/2 tsp cornstarch

1/2 tsp crushed red peppers

1/2 tsp garlic powder

1/2 tsp cumin

1/3 tsp oregano

Mix all ingredients together. Add a few tablespoons to 1 lb ground beef with 1/4 cup water. Let simmer until water is mostly gone. Enjoy!

Just a quick and encouraging word...

"When I view motherhood not as a gift from God to make me holy but rather as a role with tasks that get in my way, I am missing out on one of God's ordained means of spiritual growth in my life. Not only that, but I am missing out on enjoying God. No amount of mommy angst can compare to the misery that comes from a life devoid of the comforting, encouraging, guarding, providing, satisfying presence of our holy God." Gloria Furman--Treasuring Christ When Your Hands Are Full

"Treasuring Christ When Your Hands Are Full"

One of my sweet friends gave me a book at my baby shower for the twins. It's called Treasuring Christ When Your Hands Are Full: Gospel Meditation for Busy Moms by Gloria Furman. I have so many books that I have been meaning to read and am slowly plucking my way through them and sadly this book was nowhere near the top of the list because I forgot I had it! However, God has a very special way of bringing things to happen at exactly when they are needed. I was starting to think that this whole twin thing was going to be a lot easier than I thought until... THE BABIES STARTED WAKING UP! They are sleeping through the night (YAY! although I still have to wake up at night to pump) but they are starting to be awake more during the day and are demanding much more of my time these days, as is my 21 month old. So this book came back onto my shelf at a very good time, just as life is starting to get a little overwhelming again. I have only read the introduction so far but I wanted to share a little snippet of what is to come. I can't wait to finish and be able to tell you all about it!

"The circumstances of your motherhood may be difficult, troublesome, and confusing. Even so, there is a circumstance that supersedes all the complexities of your life. It is the simple truth that the one great, permanent circumstance in which you live is that you have been allowed to walk in newness of life as you are united to Christ by faith through grace. Our joy cannot be wrapped up in motherhood but only in God. All of us need to allow the Spirit to do his 'indoor work' and marvel as the Lord cultivates sweet, inward contentment in our heart as we learn to trust him."

What this means to me is that no matter how crazy my life is, there is something bigger. There is someone bigger. I don't deserve any of these blessings that God has bestowed on me because I am a wretched sinner! So undeserving. But God has chosen to offer me (and anyone else who seeks it) His grace and I have the opportunity to live a new life in Him. That is the most important thing. It doesn't matter that I am trying to care for four children five and under and all that goes with that. All that matters is that I am a new creation. I can't give all that I am to my children. That won't get me anywhere but a loony bin! It is only by putting my trust in God that I can learn to be content in my difficult and hectic life. He will teach me how to see joy in ALL circumstances, which is sort of a theme in my life right now. This is obviously a work that God has been doing in me over the last year and I still have a lot to learn!

If you are a mom, it might be worthwhile to check out this book! I haven't read it yet and can't endorse it FULLY, but if the introduction is a true reflection of what this book is about, I say it's a must read for any mama (busy or not)!

By the way, the first chapter of this book is called Hands Full of Blessings.
*wink wink* *nudge nudge*

Happy Belated Mother's Day

This is a little late but I wanted to wish my mom a happy Mother's Day!

This is one of my favorite pictures of her. She looks so beautiful and so happy with her granddaughters. 

My mother. My kind, generous, lovely, friendly, crazy mother! We are so different yet so much alike! There is nobody in this world who can push my buttons like my mom, but at the same time there is nobody who gets me and hears me like her, or makes me laugh like her! We have been through a lot, from sweet happy times, to not speaking, to screaming, to crying from utter sadness at the state of our relationship, to tears of joy for how far we have come. We don't agree on a lot of things, but we love each other in ways that nobody else can fulfil.

I love you Mom, and I pray that our relationship will continue to grow and heal and become stronger. Thank you for teaching me to be a good girl, for teaching me about honesty, and to be my own person, and to want something more from my life. Thank you for sending me to church as a girl to start laying a foundation for a lifetime of serving Christ. You are an amazing Grandmother and it is my hope to be able to love my children and grandchildren with as much devotion as you. Love you! 

Lactation Foods Fit For the Whole Family

My very own creation- lactation granola bars. 

Since the twins have had some pretty major latch issues and won't nurse, I have been exclusively pumping to provide their milk. They are currently getting about 70-80% breast milk, but that changes rapidly from day to day. If I had one baby I would have more than enough! So in addition to pumping around the clock, I have been trying to increase my milk supply naturally through food. There are four basic ingredients that I have been using to do this: oatmeal, brewer's yeast, flax seed, and almonds. I have made cookies, granola bars, smoothies, and parfait, and they have all shown some sort of an impact on my milk supply. Crazy, but true! You can find any number of recipes for lactation cookies online but these recipes are the ones I use because they are fast and easy. Who has time to bake 2 dozen cookies?!

Lactation Preacher Cookies (no-bake)

So far I have noticed these giving the biggest and most obvious boost in my supply. A day without these and I only manage 2-4 ounces every time I pump compared to 4-6 ounces. Once I start eating them again it only takes a couple hours to notice a difference. 

1 stick butter

*2 cups sugar 

1/2 cup milk

4 tbsp cocoa powder

1 tbsp vanilla extract

1 cup peanut butter

3 cups oatmeal 

3 or 4 tbsp brewer's yeast

1/2 cup ground flax seed

1/2 cup sliced almonds, crushed

Melt butter over medium heat then add sugar, milk, and cocoa. Bring to a boil over medium heat, stirring often. Boil for 1 minute then remove from heat. Add vanilla and peanut butter, stirring until peanut butter is melted. Mix in all other ingredients. Drop in spoonfuls on waxed paper and let sit for a couple hours to harden. 

Enjoy a cookie (or two) every time you sit to feed the baby or pump. 

*You can use less sugar but the cookies will not harden as well on their own. They will need to be kept in the fridge. I used 1.5 cups and they were still good but goopy unless refrigerated. 

These are very popular cookies in my family. This is what I found in the kitchen after a fresh batch had been made recently:

Someone was sneaking some cookies!

Lactation Parfait

No recipe here, but I wanted to tell you about my new favorite breakfast! I use frozen berries- either strawberries, cherries, blueberries, or a mixture. I thaw them a little in the microwave then add old fashioned oats, homemade yogurt (find my recipe here), 2 tbsp ground flax seed, 1 tsp brewer's yeast, and sugar. Usually a couple teaspoons to cover up the horrendously terrible brewer's yeast taste! On days that I don't eat either this or regular oatmeal with flax seed and brewer's yeast, I struggle with my supply in the middle of the day. It's amazing how my supply can be so fickle! 

Lactation Granola Bars

I found a recipe for honey oat bars in a cook book and it inspired me to fit it to my own lactation needs. My family loves these so much that I might need to impose a limit because I will need to make more very soon! 

1 stick butter

1/2 cup sugar

2/3 cup honey

1 tsp cinnamon

3 cups oats

1/2 cup raisins

1/2 cup sliced almonds, crushed

1/2 cup crushed peanuts

1/2 cup flax seed

1/2 cup chocolate chips

2 tbsp brewer's yeast

Melt the butter over medium heat. Add the sugar, honey, and cinnamon and bring to a boil over medium heat, stirring often. Let boil one minute, stirring constantly, then remove from heat. Add all other ingredients and mix well. Push into 9x13 baking dish lined with wax paper. Place in refrigerator for at least an hour. Cut into desired shapes. 

If using chocolate, these would probably be best to stay cold so they don't get so goopy. In the future, I might not use chocolate chips, although they sure do make them GOOD! You really can add anything you want to these. I thought about coconut but I didn't think it would go well with raisins. You can add dried cranberries, dried cherries, other kinds of nuts, the possibilities are endless! For lactation purposes, I would keep the brewer's yeast, flax seed, and almonds, though. I'm sure that no matter what you put in these, they will taste great! 

Note: you can find brewer's yeast with the nutritional supplements, not baking items. I ordered both the brewer's yeast and flax seed from Amazon. 

Now go ahead and enjoy these, whether lactating or not! 

Time and Money Saving Tip: Hamburger

Buy hamburger in bulk (especially if you find it marked down or on clearance) and cook it up all at once when you have a little extra time.

I browned about 4.5 lbs (which we would stretch and use for about 6 or 7 meals) and made the remaining 3 lbs into ready made hamburger patties. 

It only took about 20 minutes to brown, 20 to make 9 patties (2 meals for us), and about 30 minutes to make 2 small enchilada casseroles (which will make about 2 meals for the four eating individuals in our family). 

Divide into individual containers to freeze the remaining ground beef and the next time you want a quick meal (we like spaghetti and tacos for this), just pull one meal's worth out of the freezer! And now we have 9 meals out of 7.5 lbs of marked down ground beef. 

A Day in the Life

I start the day with a middle of the night pumping session. I drink lots of water every time I pump:

Hubby gets the kids up to give them breakfast and the babies and I snooze a little bit until he goes to work:

I pump again and eat a high protein/high fiber breakfast (usually yogurt and oatmeal):

After breakfast I make an assembly line for diaper changes:

I try to find time to do school work with my big 5 year old, who loves it! Sister likes to do some too:

Then I pump again:

And feed the babies again:

My son has become obsessed with the Price is Right so we watch it a few times a week (the TV has taken up a new temporary residence on the radiator or the piano ever since the babies were born- it is going back to our bedroom soon):

I eat a lactation cookie or two every time I pump to help my supply so every few days I have to make more: 

I pump again, and drink water, and wonder what my children have been up to all day because the living room isn't that messy:

I feed the babies again:

Daddy comes home from lunch and feeds the kids and puts the older ones down for their naps. I do dishes, which are about 90% bottles:

During nap time I try to nap while I do a "power pump," 10 minutes on and 10 minutes off for an hour. With my handy dandy hands free pumping bra-type thing I am able to rest! The babies are usually sound asleep during this time, which is a HUGE blessing to me:

After the kids wake up I try to do something fun to distract us all while we anticipate Daddy's homecoming:

Then I start supper and pray that the babies won't wake up. Daddy comes home and he is instantly surrounded with children:

I pump again (this is a picture my son drew of me in my most common state- pumping):

Then I feed the babies. We all eat dinner then clean up the living room and play room because who wants to wake up to this in the morning (minus the kids, they are pretty cute):

My husband puts the kids to bed while I soothe fussy babies. We do one more load of dishes, I pump again, we feed the babies again, and then go to bed. My sweet husband wakes up in the middle of the night to feed the babies (usually just once) and I wake up to pump twice and help feed the babies then the day starts all over! 

It is busy and hectic but I LOVE IT!! 

Encouragement for Moms

As I've had some time to reflect on life with twins and two other children, I have realized some very interesting things about God's undeniable love for me. Of course I am no expert in motherhood, only having been a mom for 5 years, but I would still like to encourage those who are scared, overwhelmed, and having trouble trusting in God's perfect plan for their lives.

When I found out I was expecting twins, I was TERRIFIED! I know myself and know that I get overwhelmed very easily. I really started to question God and why He would choose me to be a mom of twins, especially when I already had two other kids, one who was barely a year old!! I did not know how I would be able to juggle being a good wife and mother, taking care of the house, and maintaining my already fragile emotions well enough to avoid falling into a pit of depression. I remember asking God in tears why he chose me to have this life when I am so weak!! At times I would allow myself to feel God's peace. He would remind me through His words from the Psalms, "Be still and know that I am God," and His words from Jeremiah, "I know the plans I have for you, plans for a hope and a future. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you." I would read these words and be comforted. But at times I still had a lot of fear of the unknown. I wanted to trust God but really struggled with letting go.

Then our twins were born. I was so happy and yet so scared! But you know what? I made it through the first week. Then I made it through the second week by myself with the twins. Then I made it through my first day with all four children by myself. I asked for God's help and encouragement, and He gave it to me. Now the babies are two months old and we are doing well! I remember thinking that having twins would be good for me because it would force me to get my act together. I can see now how correct I was! But it wasn't me getting my act together. I could not have managed without God's strength (and the help of so many amazing family members and friends). I can't tell you how many times I have heard, "I don't know how you manage!" But I am here to tell you that I don't manage! If I did not ask God daily for His help, I would be sitting in a puddle of tears on the floor, unable to function. God has enabled me to not only survive the day, but to be more organized and keep the household running as well. It is not necessarily clean or tidy, but my children are well cared for, I can get supper on the table, and I can get us in and out of the house in one piece. I have my moments of feeling overwhelmingly ill-equipped to be doing this job and I know that I will have many more. There are days that I am on the verge of tears all day. But with God's help, I am doing it, which is honestly more than I thought I could handle.

God has also blessed me with an amazing army of helpers. He placed people in my life who are kind and willing to take time out of their busy lives to help us out. I have been reminded numerous times that God did not intend for any of us to do this alone. He created families and communities to come along side one another and lift each other up. I am so thankful for these people allowing themselves to be used by God to bless our family.

God has shown me time and time again that He loves me and He has a plan for my life. I have seen His divine intervention in my life many times and I can see it now, in the way that He has provided a way for me to manage my handful of blessings.

So I encourage mothers, no matter how many children you have, to stop thinking in terms of your own strength, or what YOU can handle. Because I guarantee you, if you try to do it on your own, it will be much more difficult. Let God be your strength, for when we are weak, He is strong. Let yourself be overwhelmed with His love, not your circumstances.

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9

She Chose JOY

It is difficult to express the emotions that I feel about the passing of one of my dearest friends. But I can say that she has left behind a beautiful legacy. Countless people have been touched by her story of pain, healing, and great joy in her Father in Heaven. This excerpt from her last blog entry (almost a year ago) pretty much sums it up:

One of my greatest heroes, someone whose wisdom I respect and glean all I can from, has taught me this very important clarification to the well-known verse 1 Thessalonians 5:18. It's great advice for life, these three instructions in verses 16 through 18: Rejoice always. Pray continually. And here's the kicker a lot of us don't like: Give thanks in all circumstances. The important clarficiation is, he doesn't write, "Give thanks FOR all circumstances." He writes, "Give thanks IN all circumstances." 

One of the simplest ways I remember this is from a story I saw once about a forest fire. The forest was just decimated. The wildfire had burnt everything green and beautiful away. The wildlife was gone. It was a beautiful sanctuary turned ugly. And then the focus turned to a little green bud, shooting up out of the ground. New life after a tragedy. Fresh, hope-filled spring coming up through the ashes of heaviness. No one would stand there and say, "God, thanks for the wildfire that ruined this landscape and killed the life that was here." That would be crazy! But obedience to 1 Thessalonians 5:18, and learning to live in that flow of noticing the praise-worthy things, and expressing gratitude for them -- that person would stand up and say, "God, this forest fire made my heart sink. But I see this flower springing up from a silent, lifeless forest floor. And it lifts my spirits, and makes my heart leap. Thank You, God, for this beauty in spite of the ashes."

We all face seasons and experiences in life that are so hard, so sad, so gut-socking and painful. But, our greatest power is our power to choose. Whether your life up to this point has been a nice coast, or it's been a tooth and nail gritty fight to survive, I challenge you to choose gratitude. "Give thanks IN all circumstances." 

I thank God for bringing this beautiful lady into my life and for using her to teach me to choose joy. Please pray for her husband and young daughter as they navigate this time of mourning.

I also encourage you to check out this awesome song, Joy, by Rend Collective and praise God IN all circumstances. Our joy comes from Him!

Welcoming Our Newest Little Blessings

I had lots of plans for welcoming the babies on this page but for some reason, which I can't quite figure out, I haven't had much time to post in the last six weeks! So here is a very long and hopefully not too boring update of our growing family!

It was Groundhog Day and the morning started off quite warm but foggy. We had to be at the hospital very early for the c-section, which was scheduled for 8:30 (I think, the times and details of that day are a little foggy, kinda like the weather). I never did find out what the groundhog saw that day but I have a vague memory of watching Groundhog Day with Bill Murray while I was still on my high after having babies. I spent a couple hours in a tiny room getting prepped for surgery then I said goodbye to my mom and they wheeled me off. They parked my bed in the hall outside the operating room and I walked inside with great joy, knowing that was the last time I would ever have to walk with the enormous weight of that belly! My husband stayed outside while they got everything ready. I really wish they would have let him in for that part because I was TERRIFIED of getting the spinal block. I had a very bad experience from the spinal block with my first baby, which was actually one of the big motivators I had for having a home birth with my second baby. I really didn't want to have another c-section and get a spinal! I had an amazing nurse, named Jane, who let me lean on her while I did lamaze-type breathing to calm myself down. They knew about my history and the STUDENT anesthesiologist placed the spinal block with no complications at all. I felt the warmness starting to creep up my body and I was so relieved! Once they had me draped and they let my husband in, things seemed to happen pretty quickly. I felt a lot of movement and tugging and my doctor said, "Here comes Baby A!" He held her up for us to see and I felt the tears instantly starting to burn my eyes. Not even 30 seconds later they were holding Baby B up for us to see. I had worked SO HARD to bring those babies into the world and I felt an incredible mix of emotions listening to them cry. One thing that sticks out in my mind is how they didn't have those little newborn cries that you hear when you imagine your baby's first cry, but they SCREAMED like their big sister! "waAAAAAAH! waAAAAAAH!" They definitely didn't have any trouble breathing! They first brought Baby A over and said that she weighed 6lbs 4oz, which is an incredible weight for a twin. My husband held her and I was able to sort of wrap my arm around her. Then a nurse came with Baby B and said that she weighed 5lbs 12oz. She held her next to her sister and I saw them together for the first time- my little pumpkins!

After that it was time for my husband and the babies to go to the nursery and I stayed put while they sewed me up. My awesome doctor tried to keep me entertained by talking about the Super Bowl, which was the night before. I wasn't in the mood to talk about it though because my beloved Seahawks had lost, and they did it very poorly. Actually I am only an avid fan when they are doing really well and go to the Super Bowl but still, it was very disappointing! Then the doctor and his med student started talking about the half time show and I decided that was a good time for a little nap because I had no interest in the half time show. We watched I Love Lucy (Ricky's Home Movies) instead! Anyway, when it was time to go to recovery, I was pleasantly surprised to hear that I would be able to hold my babies and try to nurse them for the first time. The second most dreadful part of my first child's birth (the first being the spinal block) was having to go to recovery without knowing a single thing about my baby! I had to stay there for almost 2 hours without my husband and without my baby. They said to rest and take a nap but how can you when you know nothing about how your baby is doing?! Okay, back to the twins. So they brought B in first and I held her skin to skin and gave her a little nibble. Then A came in and we did the same. At some point my mom tried to come in, twice, and the nurse shooed her away, saying it was Mommy, Daddy, Baby time. I was so happy to have that time with our new little bundles.

The rest of the day really is a blur. In fact, the rest of the hospital stay is kind of a blur! I know that I was in a lot of pain, more than I was after my first c-section, and the pain meds just weren't cutting it even though we were staying on schedule. My doc made hearts come out of my head when he increased the doses without question even though the nurses had said that he probably wouldn't. The babies didn't nurse at all the first day and spent the night in the nursery and had to have a bottle due to low blood sugar. I was very disappointed and confused because I felt like a pro breastfeeder since I had already nursed both of my other children until they were a year old. We stayed in close contact with the nurses and a lactation consultant and I started pumping and we finger fed the babies while in the hospital. They never caught on to nursing. I kept telling myself that they would be just fine if they had to be formula babies. Many a great men and women were fed formula and turned out fantastic! But my heart hurt because I was supposed to be their source of nutrition. It was my job as their mother to feed them my liquid gold and no matter how many times I told myself and told other people that I was okay with it, I really wasn't! I have come to accept the fact that they may have to be on bottles but I am still working on it. More on that later...

Do you remember that I had to deliver the babies a little bit early because of my very mild pre-eclampsia? Well, in most cases the way to cure pre-eclampsia is to deliver the baby. But in my case, it got worse after! There were no signs of it in the hospital but over the first week my swelling increased and I felt lightheaded and had a very terrible headache, despite still being on my pain meds. One leg was significantly more swollen than the other so I had to go back to the hospital to get an ultrasound to check for a blood clot. That was negative but when we went to see my doctor after that, my blood pressure was higher than it's ever been. I don't think it was an incredibly dangerous blood pressure, but it was obvious that things weren't right. SOOOO, he put me on some blood pressure medicine, which I am still taking almost 2 months later. He still wasn't happy with my numbers at my post-partum check up last week so it looks like I'll be on it for a little while longer until I follow up with my family doctor in a couple months. He didn't really say why this is happening, I don't even know if he knows, but I am just going to blame it, like everything, on hormones and having twins!

The first week home was very overwhelming for me! I was terrified to be left alone with both babies. I didn't know how to feed them both and the thought of taking care of all four of my children at the same time was utterly terrifying! I made my husband take an extra couple of days off because I wasn't ready for him to go back to work but then something inside me snapped, and I suddenly decided that I could take care of the twins on my own. It was another week or so before I spent any significant amount of time alone with all four but because of our loving family and amazing friends, I was able to slowly work my way into being the mother of four. A few hours alone one week, then two days the next week, then three, then the time finally came when I had all four at home with me all week!! Now it feels completely normal and I hardly remember a time when I didn't have all of my little gifts from God at home with me.

When the babies were 2 weeks old they caught a cold. It wasn't too bad, but they were congested. At first it didn't affect their eating or sleeping but after about a week, Baby B was having a hard time getting all of her bottles in. When she projectile vomited all of the food she had taken in that day and I noticed that she had a very slight fever, I called our doctor, who told me to take her to the ER. I thought that they would just say she has a cold, suction her nose as often as you can, and send us home. However, the cold had caused her to get a little dehydrated and she had low muscle tone so they admitted her to the hospital. We stayed for about 30 hours, plus the 7 or 8 hours we had spent in the ER overnight. It was a very scary and exhausting time for us but we knew that things could be a lot worse. All she needed were some IV fluids and a little TLC and she was fine. They let us keep her sister in the room with us, which was a complete blessing. Again, I am so thankful for our wonderful family, who took care of everything at home for us, and for awesome, godly friends who prayed for us! They both had to be brought to the ER a week later because they were very congested and their chests were sucking in when they breathed, but that time they suctioned their little noses and told us to keep an eye on them but said they were fine and we brought them home. They are both over that dreadful cold and are doing very well!!

Big brother and sister are doing so well! There is nothing like having baby twin sisters to make a five year old grow up! He has taken on many responsibilities and I am so proud of him! He has been unloading the dishwasher, picking up his toys (and his sister's toys), running errands around the house for us, and taking care of his sister while I am tied to babies or a pump. He gets her food, water, plays with her, and comforts her when she is sad. He also helps her in and out of the van and unbuckles her from her carseat, which is a huge help because she is still rear-facing in the back seat. He has a new love of superheroes (which he really knows nothing about but enjoys making up facts) but I think that he has become something of a superhero himself in the last couple of months. Baby girl has really surprised us! Before the babies were born she was showing a lot of jealousy towards her brother spending time with mommy and daddy so she had us a little worried about what life would be like with two new babies but she has done amazingly well! She hasn't shown much jealousy towards them at all. In fact, she loves them so much! She showers them with affection, sometimes deadly affection! There have been a couple of instances when I had to pull her off of one of the babies because she fell on top of them trying to give hugs. She likes to lay her head on their heads and she LOVES to help us burp them. She enjoys being a big helper and often brings us diapers. They are usually her own diapers and she rarely brings fewer than four at a time, but she thinks she is helping and that's what counts. :-) We are starting to see a lot of little attitude issues arising and know that it is only the beginning. She is going to keep us on our toes for sure! At 19 months she now has a very vast vocabulary, consisting of words like, babies, mommy, dada, brother (bubba), no, yep, bye bye, cup (bup), right now, up, down, more, night night, I don't want to, I don't like that, water, more please, cheese (for pictures, not the food), and many more that I can't think of right now. She also says a lot of stuff that nobody can understand!

Okay, now back to feedings...
This has been the biggest struggle for us. We have been bottle feeding the girls since they were a week old when we realized that finger feeding was only meant as a very short-lived temporary solution and they were not catching on to nursing. We have tried a few different kinds of bottles, attempting to find a better fit for transitioning to nursing, all of which haven't helped. They tend to lift their tongues to the roof of their mouths, which makes nursing very difficult. Things got even more complicated when the girls were congested and at times we have gone through bad dry spells where we didn't even attempt to nurse for days due to scheduling conflicts and supply issues. However, I spent this last weekend doing a "nurse-in" of sorts. The kids went to their grandma and granddaddy's house and my husband and I hung out in our pjs all day with the babies constantly attached to me. When they weren't nursing, they were skin to skin with me so that they could learn to desire to be close to me. My amazing husband took care of diapers and kept me fed and hydrated the whole weekend. We made huge improvements! We are still a long way from exclusively breastfeeding and not needing to pump at all, but my supply almost doubled so they are at least only drinking breast milk and nursing MOST of the time. I know that the day might come when they will just figure it out and all of this pumping/bottle feeding/nursing routine will be a distant memory, but I also know that they may never catch on and I'm okay with that! I know that if they don't end up nursing I gave it my best shot and I didn't give up just because it was hard. I still have a few emotional issues to work out about this, but I know that we'll all by okay. Please pray for us as we continue on this exhausting nursing adventure!

So now that things are calming down a bit and life is beginning to get back to normal, well a new normal anyway, I am hoping to post on here more frequently. I still have a post waiting to be published about making home made ice cream at Christmas time! Life is never boring with four children so I should have some things to say. As the title of my blog says, I might have my hands full but they are full of blessings and I am so excited to see where God is leading our family!

Twin Facts

Being on bed rest gives me lots of time to think. And sit around. And read. And watch Netflix. So I need things to fill my time! Here is my list of Twin Facts that you may or may not know:

• There are two types of twins, monozygotic, or identical, and dizygotic, fraternal
• Identical twins occur when one egg is released and is fertilized by one sperm. Within the next couple of days the egg splits and becomes two separate individuals who share identical genetic information. 
• Fraternal twins occur when two eggs are released and both are fertilized by different sperm. These twins are genetically the same as any other sibling. 
• Within the group of monozygotic twins are two types, monochorionic-diamniotic (mo-di), which share a placenta but have their own amniotic sacs. A great majority of identical twins are mo-di (mine included). Monoamniotic-monochorionic (mo-mo) twins share a placenta and an amniotic sac and make up about 1% of all identicals. There are a lot of risks associated with mo-mo twins, including umbilical cord entanglement, causing life threatening issues for both babies. Mo-mo twins must be very closely monitored throughout the pregnancy.
• Fraternal twins are the most common type and make up about 2/3 of all twin pregnancies. 
• Fraternal twins can run in families, passed on through the mother's side. It is a myth that twins skip a generation and can be passed through the father's side (supposedly). 
• Identical twins are not genetic (again, supposedly) and occur spontaneously. However, it can't be a coincidence that our girls are the third set of identical girls in three generations in a row in my husband's family. There are also two other sets of twins in his family's history, one possibly identical and the other is unknown since the twin died at birth.
• The least common type of twins are identical boys while the most common is boy/girl fraternal twins
• Some people think it is impossible to nurse twins, but it is more than possible! Nursing is all about supply and demand- the more demand for milk, the more the mother's body will produce. 
• The easiest way to tell the difference between identical twins may be the belly button because it is simply a scar that developed from the detachment of the umbilical cord.
• Identical twins can be mirror twins, developing the same characteristics on opposite sides of their bodies. One may be right handed, the other left handed and they may have moles or birthmarks on opposite sides. It is estimated that 25% of identical twins are mirror images of one another. 
• If identical sisters married identical brothers, their children would be cousins but would genetically be equal to full siblings!
• Women in their 30s and 40s are more likely to conceive twins due to changes in hormones and irregular cycles. This can increase the odds of releasing more than one egg at a time. 
• Tall women and women who are significantly overweight also have greater odds of conceiving twins. It has something to do with hormones, which can be blamed on any number of occurrences within a woman's body. 
• Up to 40% of twins develop their own language when communicating with one another. Check out this super cute video!
• Contrary to popular belief, mothers don't typically feel twins move any earlier than singleton babies. It is most common to feel them move for the first time around 18-20 weeks, especially for first time mothers. Just like with any other pregnancy, mothers who have had previous babies may feel them move sooner because they can recognize the difference between typical gas bubbles and baby movements.
• With the number of risks associated with twins, many are born prematurely
• 37-38 weeks is considered full-term for twins with over 50% of twins being born BEFORE 37 weeks. I am currently 37 weeks and have beat the odds! :-)
• Identical twins do not have identical fingerprints. Fingerprints are formed from experiences in the womb.
• It is more common for twins to be left handed than a singleton. 
• Just after Christmas, Ashley Gardner delivered a beautiful set of quadruplets at 29 weeks gestation. Yes, they were conceived by IVF, but the unique aspect of their story is that they only inserted two eggs. They both split spontaneously, creating two sets of identical twins!! I don't know for sure what the odds of that happening are, but I'm going to say that it is incredibly rare!

Letting Go of Expectations

I didn't know much about childbirth before I got pregnant the first time, but I did know that some day I would like to try a home birth. It sounded like a peaceful and exciting way to welcome a child into the world, but I wanted to experience childbirth in a hospital setting before trying a home birth. So when I ended up going to the hospital when I was 10 days overdue to be induced at midnight (for insurance purposes they said) with my first baby then 12 hours later having a c-section, I was very disappointed! That was not the birth I had envisioned for my son. Yes, I had a beautiful and healthy baby boy and I was so blessed to have him, but I felt like they hadn't taken my preferences into account and it felt like I didn't GIVE birth, but that it was TAKEN from me. They declared him too big to fit through my pelvis and they had their minds made up that he would be cut out rather than wait the 30+ hours for his big head to maneuver its way out, the natural way. Little did they know that three years later I would deliver an even bigger baby naturally with no complications. 

I started researching childbirth and reading books about home birth and my husband and I talked and prayed about what to do with our next baby. We weighed the risks and benefits and decided that a home birth would be the best option for a natural vaginal birth experience. I'll explain more in a future post about our decision to choose to have our babies at home. I want to be clear when I say that home birth was a choice we made for ourselves and I would not push or insist on others having a home birth. It definitely is not for everyone and I fully respect any woman's decision when it comes to something as personal as having a baby. We assumed the risk (which we felt was lower than the risks associated with a repeat c-section) and were rewarded with an incredible birthing experience. 

The birth of our daughter was by far the most defining moment in my life. My husband and I were alone through most of it, walking, writing thank you notes, watching Monk, laughing, then when things got more intense he was reading scripture, praying, and helping me to rely on God's strength, not my own. I felt a much stronger connection to God, my husband, my baby, and my own body. It was beautiful.

So of course when I found out I was expecting another baby, we started planning for a home birth. We settled on a midwife and paid her up front for a discounted rate. But then I found out we were having twins. I was so shocked! There was a time when I thought we may get twins because there were a couple sets in my husband's family but after learning that the gene for twins doesn't pass onto the father, I was relieved. There were no twins in my family so finding out that there were two babies in my tummy was by far the biggest surprise of my life!

After some of the initial shock wore off, I had a conversation with my midwife and we decided that with my history, I should have the twins in the hospital. It would be possible to deliver them naturally at home (and I know of many women who have delivered twins successfully at home), but it would be more complicated and much more risky with my previous c-section. I wasn't 100% comfortable with the idea of having a home birth and if there is one thing you need to be completely comfortable with before attempting, it's home birth! So I asked around for an OB who was knowledgeable in twin birth but would let me have a shot at delivering naturally.

I got many recommendations for a high risk OB who was VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) friendly and went in for a visit. He had 11 kids of his own and was very friendly and easy to talk to. Throughout the pregnancy, he has given me hope that there was a chance for a natural birth, which is more than I can say for any other OBs in this area. Most twins are born by cesarean due to their positions and the complications that can occur in a twin birth. To my doctor, however, the previous c-section didn't have a lot to do with his decision, but more so that the babies are BOTH head down and we are all tolerating labor well. He does not induce VBACs, due to the increased chances of uterine rupture so my only chance at having a natural delivery would be if I went into labor on my own, which at this point is looking to be unlikely. I also seem to have one twin who enjoys doing acrobatics and has flipped into a head up position at 36 weeks after being head down through most of the pregnancy. She is one impressive girl! 

Changing my expectations has been one of the most difficult parts of the pregnancy emotionally. To go from a calm and peaceful home birth with only myself, my supportive husband, and two midwives present in a dark candlelit room, to a bright hospital room full of medical personnel excited  to witness a twin birth could be slightly traumatizing! However, I felt that it was important to let go of certain expectations long ago in this pregnancy. I still held out hope that there was a chance that I could deliver naturally while I prepared my heart for a c-section. As the pregnancy has progressed I have gotten more and more used to the idea that I just need to let go of ALL expectations and simply be thankful for a medical team who can deliver these babies as safely as possible. 

Please keep in mind that while it's important to research and know what to expect in childbirth, it is equally important to remember that when it comes down to it, the safety of you and baby (or babies) is the ideal outcome! Be an advocate for your right to deliver how you want, but prepare your heart for any situation that may arise. I may have been far less disappointed with the birth of my first son if I had let go of some expectations. While I hope that I can have future babies at home, I am no longer disappointed that I don't get to have my twins in the sweet comfort of my own home, and I really am looking forward to giving birth, no matter how it is done!