As I've had some time to reflect on life with twins and two other children, I have realized some very interesting things about God's undeniable love for me. Of course I am no expert in motherhood, only having been a mom for 5 years, but I would still like to encourage those who are scared, overwhelmed, and having trouble trusting in God's perfect plan for their lives.
When I found out I was expecting twins, I was TERRIFIED! I know myself and know that I get overwhelmed very easily. I really started to question God and why He would choose me to be a mom of twins, especially when I already had two other kids, one who was barely a year old!! I did not know how I would be able to juggle being a good wife and mother, taking care of the house, and maintaining my already fragile emotions well enough to avoid falling into a pit of depression. I remember asking God in tears why he chose me to have this life when I am so weak!! At times I would allow myself to feel God's peace. He would remind me through His words from the Psalms, "Be still and know that I am God," and His words from Jeremiah, "I know the plans I have for you, plans for a hope and a future. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you." I would read these words and be comforted. But at times I still had a lot of fear of the unknown. I wanted to trust God but really struggled with letting go.
Then our twins were born. I was so happy and yet so scared! But you know what? I made it through the first week. Then I made it through the second week by myself with the twins. Then I made it through my first day with all four children by myself. I asked for God's help and encouragement, and He gave it to me. Now the babies are two months old and we are doing well! I remember thinking that having twins would be good for me because it would force me to get my act together. I can see now how correct I was! But it wasn't me getting my act together. I could not have managed without God's strength (and the help of so many amazing family members and friends). I can't tell you how many times I have heard, "I don't know how you manage!" But I am here to tell you that I don't manage! If I did not ask God daily for His help, I would be sitting in a puddle of tears on the floor, unable to function. God has enabled me to not only survive the day, but to be more organized and keep the household running as well. It is not necessarily clean or tidy, but my children are well cared for, I can get supper on the table, and I can get us in and out of the house in one piece. I have my moments of feeling overwhelmingly ill-equipped to be doing this job and I know that I will have many more. There are days that I am on the verge of tears all day. But with God's help, I am doing it, which is honestly more than I thought I could handle.
God has also blessed me with an amazing army of helpers. He placed people in my life who are kind and willing to take time out of their busy lives to help us out. I have been reminded numerous times that God did not intend for any of us to do this alone. He created families and communities to come along side one another and lift each other up. I am so thankful for these people allowing themselves to be used by God to bless our family.
God has shown me time and time again that He loves me and He has a plan for my life. I have seen His divine intervention in my life many times and I can see it now, in the way that He has provided a way for me to manage my handful of blessings.
So I encourage mothers, no matter how many children you have, to stop thinking in terms of your own strength, or what YOU can handle. Because I guarantee you, if you try to do it on your own, it will be much more difficult. Let God be your strength, for when we are weak, He is strong. Let yourself be overwhelmed with His love, not your circumstances.
"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9
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