Determination is a Choice

Well hello again! My last post was in June. I have started many posts and not completed them in the months since but I always have the excuse that I don't have time to be blogging. While that may be true, I am here today to talk about excuses. Some are okay and reasonable, such as not having the time to write a blog entry because it is not very high on my priority list. Having sick children is a good excuse for not being able to fulfill my responsibilities in the church nursery (sorry, Cristy)! But a very important lesson that I am learning now is that there is absolutely no good excuse to ignore your health. I am not here to lecture anyone because I have been making excuses my entire life, but I do want to share with you this amazing transformation that has been taking place in me over the last couple of months.

I have used every excuse that you can think of to not exercise or eat well. "I'm waiting until I can strengthen my back, right now it wouldn't be able to handle a workout." "I am so busy and I don't have time." "My children need me to be happy right now, not grouchy and starving." "I'm going through a hard time and need my comfort food!" "It's too cold (or too hot) to be going outside." "I need to research first." "The holidays are coming, I'll start next month." "Now isn't a convenient time." There are many, many other excuses that I have made for my lack of fitness over the years and they all made sense to me at the time but now that I know more some of them sound flat out idiotic! How many of those have you used?

I had a major scare during my last pregnancy when I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes and post-pregnancy hypertension. The GD is gone but I am still on blood pressure meds and borderline diabetic. I knew that my health was in serious trouble if things didn't change. But I still made excuses! Now, I will admit that having newborn twins that I was exclusively pumping for was an okay excuse for not having the time or energy to get involved in a serious fitness plan, but there really was no excuse for how I was eating. I kept telling myself, "You've already lost all the baby weight, you're fine for now!" But I knew that I wasn't. 

So something was brewing inside me. I knew that I had to be healthy for my children. They needed a strong mama who could sit on the floor and play with them or run outside with them. They needed a mama who would be around for a long time. They needed a good example NOW before their habits were set in stone. I had been thinking a lot about how I could get down to a healthy weight without compromising who I was. I wanted to continue to enjoy life and not eat boring food and spend a big chunk of my day working out. I didn't know how to do any of it. I passed on an opportunity to do the 21 Day Fix in the spring because I wasn't ready but when my friend started a couple's challenge group for October, I jumped on it! Something inside of me clicked and I was suddenly ready. My husband joined the challenge with me and we ROCKED our first round of the 21 Day Fix. We discovered that healthy food didn't have to be boring and that working out just 30 minutes a day was all that it took. We both lost a pretty significant amount of weight and we discovered that we were so much stronger than we ever thought. We had a blast working out together! Who better to work out with than your best friend? 

The whole experience was summed up for me in one morning. I fell and twisted my ankle during a workout when I only had 3 days left to go. My first thought was, "Oh no! I can't work out any more!" AND I MEANT IT! I was devastated. My ankle hurt for a few days then was fine, but I realized that morning that my determination to get things right this time was stronger than all of the excuses I had ever made. I realized that determination isn't just an attitidude, but it is a choice that you have to make every day. 

Here are some things that I have learned over the last couple of months:

- WANTING to be healthy and being DETERMINED to be healthy are two different things.

- Eating well doesn't mean you have to eat less. You eat less of the junk and more of the GOOD stuff. 

- Food preparation makes eating clean so easy!

- Making a new change isn't about dieting, it's about a lifestyle change.

- The more GOOD stuff you eat, the better you feel. The better you feel, the less you want to fill your body with junk.

- Healthy food can be mighty tasty! Coconut oil makes every vegetable taste so much better.

- Exercising and eating well is fun.

- Saying "no" to temptation gives you strength! 

- You can do ALL things through Christ when you trust in Him (this is something that I knew before but had to be reminded of constantly)! 

So we are starting our second round of the 21 Day Fix today! We are really excited about all that is happening in our lives and we can't wait to share it with you! I'll be sure to keep you updated on our progress. We are FAR from our goals and we still have a lot to learn but we WILL get there. I'm not here to sell the 21 Day Fix or anything but I do believe in the program so if you are interested, contact me and I can get you in touch with someone who can help you! No more excuses. Just get it done! 

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

Why yes, I do have my hands full, thank you!

"You have your hands full!"

When I heard this phrase the first few times when I was expecting the twins, I didn't think much of it. Then after a while and especially after the babies were born it started to bother me and I don't know why. Perhaps it was because I heard it ALL. THE. TIME. I would get so irritated every time someone said it. But then it occurred to me that unless spoken in a tone of obvious disdain and malice, these comments were most likely innocent and from a good place. Even if they weren't, was it my place to get mad and huffy? No! It is my job to show Christ's love to everyone. I now hear something along these lines every time I go anywhere with all the children and all I say is, "Yes I do!" Because, yes, my hands ARE full! I say it with a smile to show love to others and that even though my hands are SO full and I am exhausted beyond belief, it is a good kind of full and a true blessing. I am still a work in progress and the comments do get to me on occasion but I try my best to portray my blessings as such!

I really like what this lady says in her post on the Humbled Homemaker.


"Live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God." Ephesians 5:2

Happy Belated Mother's Day

This is a little late but I wanted to wish my mom a happy Mother's Day!

This is one of my favorite pictures of her. She looks so beautiful and so happy with her granddaughters. 

My mother. My kind, generous, lovely, friendly, crazy mother! We are so different yet so much alike! There is nobody in this world who can push my buttons like my mom, but at the same time there is nobody who gets me and hears me like her, or makes me laugh like her! We have been through a lot, from sweet happy times, to not speaking, to screaming, to crying from utter sadness at the state of our relationship, to tears of joy for how far we have come. We don't agree on a lot of things, but we love each other in ways that nobody else can fulfil.

I love you Mom, and I pray that our relationship will continue to grow and heal and become stronger. Thank you for teaching me to be a good girl, for teaching me about honesty, and to be my own person, and to want something more from my life. Thank you for sending me to church as a girl to start laying a foundation for a lifetime of serving Christ. You are an amazing Grandmother and it is my hope to be able to love my children and grandchildren with as much devotion as you. Love you! 

A Day in the Life

I start the day with a middle of the night pumping session. I drink lots of water every time I pump:

Hubby gets the kids up to give them breakfast and the babies and I snooze a little bit until he goes to work:

I pump again and eat a high protein/high fiber breakfast (usually yogurt and oatmeal):

After breakfast I make an assembly line for diaper changes:

I try to find time to do school work with my big 5 year old, who loves it! Sister likes to do some too:

Then I pump again:

And feed the babies again:

My son has become obsessed with the Price is Right so we watch it a few times a week (the TV has taken up a new temporary residence on the radiator or the piano ever since the babies were born- it is going back to our bedroom soon):

I eat a lactation cookie or two every time I pump to help my supply so every few days I have to make more: 

I pump again, and drink water, and wonder what my children have been up to all day because the living room isn't that messy:

I feed the babies again:

Daddy comes home from lunch and feeds the kids and puts the older ones down for their naps. I do dishes, which are about 90% bottles:

During nap time I try to nap while I do a "power pump," 10 minutes on and 10 minutes off for an hour. With my handy dandy hands free pumping bra-type thing I am able to rest! The babies are usually sound asleep during this time, which is a HUGE blessing to me:

After the kids wake up I try to do something fun to distract us all while we anticipate Daddy's homecoming:

Then I start supper and pray that the babies won't wake up. Daddy comes home and he is instantly surrounded with children:

I pump again (this is a picture my son drew of me in my most common state- pumping):

Then I feed the babies. We all eat dinner then clean up the living room and play room because who wants to wake up to this in the morning (minus the kids, they are pretty cute):

My husband puts the kids to bed while I soothe fussy babies. We do one more load of dishes, I pump again, we feed the babies again, and then go to bed. My sweet husband wakes up in the middle of the night to feed the babies (usually just once) and I wake up to pump twice and help feed the babies then the day starts all over! 

It is busy and hectic but I LOVE IT!! 

She Chose JOY

It is difficult to express the emotions that I feel about the passing of one of my dearest friends. But I can say that she has left behind a beautiful legacy. Countless people have been touched by her story of pain, healing, and great joy in her Father in Heaven. This excerpt from her last blog entry (almost a year ago) pretty much sums it up:

One of my greatest heroes, someone whose wisdom I respect and glean all I can from, has taught me this very important clarification to the well-known verse 1 Thessalonians 5:18. It's great advice for life, these three instructions in verses 16 through 18: Rejoice always. Pray continually. And here's the kicker a lot of us don't like: Give thanks in all circumstances. The important clarficiation is, he doesn't write, "Give thanks FOR all circumstances." He writes, "Give thanks IN all circumstances." 

One of the simplest ways I remember this is from a story I saw once about a forest fire. The forest was just decimated. The wildfire had burnt everything green and beautiful away. The wildlife was gone. It was a beautiful sanctuary turned ugly. And then the focus turned to a little green bud, shooting up out of the ground. New life after a tragedy. Fresh, hope-filled spring coming up through the ashes of heaviness. No one would stand there and say, "God, thanks for the wildfire that ruined this landscape and killed the life that was here." That would be crazy! But obedience to 1 Thessalonians 5:18, and learning to live in that flow of noticing the praise-worthy things, and expressing gratitude for them -- that person would stand up and say, "God, this forest fire made my heart sink. But I see this flower springing up from a silent, lifeless forest floor. And it lifts my spirits, and makes my heart leap. Thank You, God, for this beauty in spite of the ashes."

We all face seasons and experiences in life that are so hard, so sad, so gut-socking and painful. But, our greatest power is our power to choose. Whether your life up to this point has been a nice coast, or it's been a tooth and nail gritty fight to survive, I challenge you to choose gratitude. "Give thanks IN all circumstances." 

I thank God for bringing this beautiful lady into my life and for using her to teach me to choose joy. Please pray for her husband and young daughter as they navigate this time of mourning.

I also encourage you to check out this awesome song, Joy, by Rend Collective and praise God IN all circumstances. Our joy comes from Him!

Welcoming Our Newest Little Blessings

I had lots of plans for welcoming the babies on this page but for some reason, which I can't quite figure out, I haven't had much time to post in the last six weeks! So here is a very long and hopefully not too boring update of our growing family!

It was Groundhog Day and the morning started off quite warm but foggy. We had to be at the hospital very early for the c-section, which was scheduled for 8:30 (I think, the times and details of that day are a little foggy, kinda like the weather). I never did find out what the groundhog saw that day but I have a vague memory of watching Groundhog Day with Bill Murray while I was still on my high after having babies. I spent a couple hours in a tiny room getting prepped for surgery then I said goodbye to my mom and they wheeled me off. They parked my bed in the hall outside the operating room and I walked inside with great joy, knowing that was the last time I would ever have to walk with the enormous weight of that belly! My husband stayed outside while they got everything ready. I really wish they would have let him in for that part because I was TERRIFIED of getting the spinal block. I had a very bad experience from the spinal block with my first baby, which was actually one of the big motivators I had for having a home birth with my second baby. I really didn't want to have another c-section and get a spinal! I had an amazing nurse, named Jane, who let me lean on her while I did lamaze-type breathing to calm myself down. They knew about my history and the STUDENT anesthesiologist placed the spinal block with no complications at all. I felt the warmness starting to creep up my body and I was so relieved! Once they had me draped and they let my husband in, things seemed to happen pretty quickly. I felt a lot of movement and tugging and my doctor said, "Here comes Baby A!" He held her up for us to see and I felt the tears instantly starting to burn my eyes. Not even 30 seconds later they were holding Baby B up for us to see. I had worked SO HARD to bring those babies into the world and I felt an incredible mix of emotions listening to them cry. One thing that sticks out in my mind is how they didn't have those little newborn cries that you hear when you imagine your baby's first cry, but they SCREAMED like their big sister! "waAAAAAAH! waAAAAAAH!" They definitely didn't have any trouble breathing! They first brought Baby A over and said that she weighed 6lbs 4oz, which is an incredible weight for a twin. My husband held her and I was able to sort of wrap my arm around her. Then a nurse came with Baby B and said that she weighed 5lbs 12oz. She held her next to her sister and I saw them together for the first time- my little pumpkins!

After that it was time for my husband and the babies to go to the nursery and I stayed put while they sewed me up. My awesome doctor tried to keep me entertained by talking about the Super Bowl, which was the night before. I wasn't in the mood to talk about it though because my beloved Seahawks had lost, and they did it very poorly. Actually I am only an avid fan when they are doing really well and go to the Super Bowl but still, it was very disappointing! Then the doctor and his med student started talking about the half time show and I decided that was a good time for a little nap because I had no interest in the half time show. We watched I Love Lucy (Ricky's Home Movies) instead! Anyway, when it was time to go to recovery, I was pleasantly surprised to hear that I would be able to hold my babies and try to nurse them for the first time. The second most dreadful part of my first child's birth (the first being the spinal block) was having to go to recovery without knowing a single thing about my baby! I had to stay there for almost 2 hours without my husband and without my baby. They said to rest and take a nap but how can you when you know nothing about how your baby is doing?! Okay, back to the twins. So they brought B in first and I held her skin to skin and gave her a little nibble. Then A came in and we did the same. At some point my mom tried to come in, twice, and the nurse shooed her away, saying it was Mommy, Daddy, Baby time. I was so happy to have that time with our new little bundles.

The rest of the day really is a blur. In fact, the rest of the hospital stay is kind of a blur! I know that I was in a lot of pain, more than I was after my first c-section, and the pain meds just weren't cutting it even though we were staying on schedule. My doc made hearts come out of my head when he increased the doses without question even though the nurses had said that he probably wouldn't. The babies didn't nurse at all the first day and spent the night in the nursery and had to have a bottle due to low blood sugar. I was very disappointed and confused because I felt like a pro breastfeeder since I had already nursed both of my other children until they were a year old. We stayed in close contact with the nurses and a lactation consultant and I started pumping and we finger fed the babies while in the hospital. They never caught on to nursing. I kept telling myself that they would be just fine if they had to be formula babies. Many a great men and women were fed formula and turned out fantastic! But my heart hurt because I was supposed to be their source of nutrition. It was my job as their mother to feed them my liquid gold and no matter how many times I told myself and told other people that I was okay with it, I really wasn't! I have come to accept the fact that they may have to be on bottles but I am still working on it. More on that later...

Do you remember that I had to deliver the babies a little bit early because of my very mild pre-eclampsia? Well, in most cases the way to cure pre-eclampsia is to deliver the baby. But in my case, it got worse after! There were no signs of it in the hospital but over the first week my swelling increased and I felt lightheaded and had a very terrible headache, despite still being on my pain meds. One leg was significantly more swollen than the other so I had to go back to the hospital to get an ultrasound to check for a blood clot. That was negative but when we went to see my doctor after that, my blood pressure was higher than it's ever been. I don't think it was an incredibly dangerous blood pressure, but it was obvious that things weren't right. SOOOO, he put me on some blood pressure medicine, which I am still taking almost 2 months later. He still wasn't happy with my numbers at my post-partum check up last week so it looks like I'll be on it for a little while longer until I follow up with my family doctor in a couple months. He didn't really say why this is happening, I don't even know if he knows, but I am just going to blame it, like everything, on hormones and having twins!

The first week home was very overwhelming for me! I was terrified to be left alone with both babies. I didn't know how to feed them both and the thought of taking care of all four of my children at the same time was utterly terrifying! I made my husband take an extra couple of days off because I wasn't ready for him to go back to work but then something inside me snapped, and I suddenly decided that I could take care of the twins on my own. It was another week or so before I spent any significant amount of time alone with all four but because of our loving family and amazing friends, I was able to slowly work my way into being the mother of four. A few hours alone one week, then two days the next week, then three, then the time finally came when I had all four at home with me all week!! Now it feels completely normal and I hardly remember a time when I didn't have all of my little gifts from God at home with me.

When the babies were 2 weeks old they caught a cold. It wasn't too bad, but they were congested. At first it didn't affect their eating or sleeping but after about a week, Baby B was having a hard time getting all of her bottles in. When she projectile vomited all of the food she had taken in that day and I noticed that she had a very slight fever, I called our doctor, who told me to take her to the ER. I thought that they would just say she has a cold, suction her nose as often as you can, and send us home. However, the cold had caused her to get a little dehydrated and she had low muscle tone so they admitted her to the hospital. We stayed for about 30 hours, plus the 7 or 8 hours we had spent in the ER overnight. It was a very scary and exhausting time for us but we knew that things could be a lot worse. All she needed were some IV fluids and a little TLC and she was fine. They let us keep her sister in the room with us, which was a complete blessing. Again, I am so thankful for our wonderful family, who took care of everything at home for us, and for awesome, godly friends who prayed for us! They both had to be brought to the ER a week later because they were very congested and their chests were sucking in when they breathed, but that time they suctioned their little noses and told us to keep an eye on them but said they were fine and we brought them home. They are both over that dreadful cold and are doing very well!!

Big brother and sister are doing so well! There is nothing like having baby twin sisters to make a five year old grow up! He has taken on many responsibilities and I am so proud of him! He has been unloading the dishwasher, picking up his toys (and his sister's toys), running errands around the house for us, and taking care of his sister while I am tied to babies or a pump. He gets her food, water, plays with her, and comforts her when she is sad. He also helps her in and out of the van and unbuckles her from her carseat, which is a huge help because she is still rear-facing in the back seat. He has a new love of superheroes (which he really knows nothing about but enjoys making up facts) but I think that he has become something of a superhero himself in the last couple of months. Baby girl has really surprised us! Before the babies were born she was showing a lot of jealousy towards her brother spending time with mommy and daddy so she had us a little worried about what life would be like with two new babies but she has done amazingly well! She hasn't shown much jealousy towards them at all. In fact, she loves them so much! She showers them with affection, sometimes deadly affection! There have been a couple of instances when I had to pull her off of one of the babies because she fell on top of them trying to give hugs. She likes to lay her head on their heads and she LOVES to help us burp them. She enjoys being a big helper and often brings us diapers. They are usually her own diapers and she rarely brings fewer than four at a time, but she thinks she is helping and that's what counts. :-) We are starting to see a lot of little attitude issues arising and know that it is only the beginning. She is going to keep us on our toes for sure! At 19 months she now has a very vast vocabulary, consisting of words like, babies, mommy, dada, brother (bubba), no, yep, bye bye, cup (bup), right now, up, down, more, night night, I don't want to, I don't like that, water, more please, cheese (for pictures, not the food), and many more that I can't think of right now. She also says a lot of stuff that nobody can understand!

Okay, now back to feedings...
This has been the biggest struggle for us. We have been bottle feeding the girls since they were a week old when we realized that finger feeding was only meant as a very short-lived temporary solution and they were not catching on to nursing. We have tried a few different kinds of bottles, attempting to find a better fit for transitioning to nursing, all of which haven't helped. They tend to lift their tongues to the roof of their mouths, which makes nursing very difficult. Things got even more complicated when the girls were congested and at times we have gone through bad dry spells where we didn't even attempt to nurse for days due to scheduling conflicts and supply issues. However, I spent this last weekend doing a "nurse-in" of sorts. The kids went to their grandma and granddaddy's house and my husband and I hung out in our pjs all day with the babies constantly attached to me. When they weren't nursing, they were skin to skin with me so that they could learn to desire to be close to me. My amazing husband took care of diapers and kept me fed and hydrated the whole weekend. We made huge improvements! We are still a long way from exclusively breastfeeding and not needing to pump at all, but my supply almost doubled so they are at least only drinking breast milk and nursing MOST of the time. I know that the day might come when they will just figure it out and all of this pumping/bottle feeding/nursing routine will be a distant memory, but I also know that they may never catch on and I'm okay with that! I know that if they don't end up nursing I gave it my best shot and I didn't give up just because it was hard. I still have a few emotional issues to work out about this, but I know that we'll all by okay. Please pray for us as we continue on this exhausting nursing adventure!

So now that things are calming down a bit and life is beginning to get back to normal, well a new normal anyway, I am hoping to post on here more frequently. I still have a post waiting to be published about making home made ice cream at Christmas time! Life is never boring with four children so I should have some things to say. As the title of my blog says, I might have my hands full but they are full of blessings and I am so excited to see where God is leading our family!

Letting Go of Expectations

I didn't know much about childbirth before I got pregnant the first time, but I did know that some day I would like to try a home birth. It sounded like a peaceful and exciting way to welcome a child into the world, but I wanted to experience childbirth in a hospital setting before trying a home birth. So when I ended up going to the hospital when I was 10 days overdue to be induced at midnight (for insurance purposes they said) with my first baby then 12 hours later having a c-section, I was very disappointed! That was not the birth I had envisioned for my son. Yes, I had a beautiful and healthy baby boy and I was so blessed to have him, but I felt like they hadn't taken my preferences into account and it felt like I didn't GIVE birth, but that it was TAKEN from me. They declared him too big to fit through my pelvis and they had their minds made up that he would be cut out rather than wait the 30+ hours for his big head to maneuver its way out, the natural way. Little did they know that three years later I would deliver an even bigger baby naturally with no complications. 

I started researching childbirth and reading books about home birth and my husband and I talked and prayed about what to do with our next baby. We weighed the risks and benefits and decided that a home birth would be the best option for a natural vaginal birth experience. I'll explain more in a future post about our decision to choose to have our babies at home. I want to be clear when I say that home birth was a choice we made for ourselves and I would not push or insist on others having a home birth. It definitely is not for everyone and I fully respect any woman's decision when it comes to something as personal as having a baby. We assumed the risk (which we felt was lower than the risks associated with a repeat c-section) and were rewarded with an incredible birthing experience. 

The birth of our daughter was by far the most defining moment in my life. My husband and I were alone through most of it, walking, writing thank you notes, watching Monk, laughing, then when things got more intense he was reading scripture, praying, and helping me to rely on God's strength, not my own. I felt a much stronger connection to God, my husband, my baby, and my own body. It was beautiful.

So of course when I found out I was expecting another baby, we started planning for a home birth. We settled on a midwife and paid her up front for a discounted rate. But then I found out we were having twins. I was so shocked! There was a time when I thought we may get twins because there were a couple sets in my husband's family but after learning that the gene for twins doesn't pass onto the father, I was relieved. There were no twins in my family so finding out that there were two babies in my tummy was by far the biggest surprise of my life!

After some of the initial shock wore off, I had a conversation with my midwife and we decided that with my history, I should have the twins in the hospital. It would be possible to deliver them naturally at home (and I know of many women who have delivered twins successfully at home), but it would be more complicated and much more risky with my previous c-section. I wasn't 100% comfortable with the idea of having a home birth and if there is one thing you need to be completely comfortable with before attempting, it's home birth! So I asked around for an OB who was knowledgeable in twin birth but would let me have a shot at delivering naturally.

I got many recommendations for a high risk OB who was VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) friendly and went in for a visit. He had 11 kids of his own and was very friendly and easy to talk to. Throughout the pregnancy, he has given me hope that there was a chance for a natural birth, which is more than I can say for any other OBs in this area. Most twins are born by cesarean due to their positions and the complications that can occur in a twin birth. To my doctor, however, the previous c-section didn't have a lot to do with his decision, but more so that the babies are BOTH head down and we are all tolerating labor well. He does not induce VBACs, due to the increased chances of uterine rupture so my only chance at having a natural delivery would be if I went into labor on my own, which at this point is looking to be unlikely. I also seem to have one twin who enjoys doing acrobatics and has flipped into a head up position at 36 weeks after being head down through most of the pregnancy. She is one impressive girl! 

Changing my expectations has been one of the most difficult parts of the pregnancy emotionally. To go from a calm and peaceful home birth with only myself, my supportive husband, and two midwives present in a dark candlelit room, to a bright hospital room full of medical personnel excited  to witness a twin birth could be slightly traumatizing! However, I felt that it was important to let go of certain expectations long ago in this pregnancy. I still held out hope that there was a chance that I could deliver naturally while I prepared my heart for a c-section. As the pregnancy has progressed I have gotten more and more used to the idea that I just need to let go of ALL expectations and simply be thankful for a medical team who can deliver these babies as safely as possible. 

Please keep in mind that while it's important to research and know what to expect in childbirth, it is equally important to remember that when it comes down to it, the safety of you and baby (or babies) is the ideal outcome! Be an advocate for your right to deliver how you want, but prepare your heart for any situation that may arise. I may have been far less disappointed with the birth of my first son if I had let go of some expectations. While I hope that I can have future babies at home, I am no longer disappointed that I don't get to have my twins in the sweet comfort of my own home, and I really am looking forward to giving birth, no matter how it is done!

An Unexpected Hospital Trip

On our way to Will's parents' house to celebrate his thirtieth birthday with family yesterday, I received a phone call from my doctor. He asked how I was doing then said that he was about to ruin my day. He told me that my lab results indicated that I had pre-eclampsia, which has always been a fear with this pregnancy, especially for the past few weeks, but I honestly never thought it would happen to me. So he told me to come to the hospital and check in for monitoring. He said that there was a chance that if the babies and I were stable, I could go home, but there was also a chance that I would be transferred to the other hospital in town that has a NICU where I would stay put until the babies were born. So we continued on to Will's parents' house and after alerting the troops, he opened his birthday presents very quickly, ate a quick helping of his birthday lunch (stroganoff, his favorite) then they sent us off with some birthday cake, keeping the kids for us. We got to the hospital and they hooked me up to monitors with five straps around my belly and a blood pressure cuff that took my pressure every 15 minutes. Baby B did NOT like the tight straps and kept rolling around so the nurse would have to come back in and readjust the monitor. They got me positioned on my left side with a pillow behind me and told me not to move...for three hours! Have you ever tried sitting perfectly still in an uncomfortable hospital bed for three hours when severely pregnant? Not fun! I had to use the restroom and my back and left hip got so sore! After a while, my doctor came back in and said that my blood pressure was excellent and that I could go home. He said that I need to take it easy and be very careful. He ordered me to be on "very limited activity," which is not bed rest but almost! No running errands, no chasing kids around, staying off my feet as much as possible. I go back to see the doctor on Tuesday and we will reevaluate based on my blood pressure. So that is where I am right now.

The night before, we had dropped the kids off with their grandparents and went on a date to celebrate our 6th anniversary. They kept the kids overnight and we are so thankful to have had that time to relax and enjoy one another's company before things really started to get stressful and crazy! God's timing was perfect. :-) We are in the home stretch now, with just three weeks max left to go before we meet our little girls!  Please pray for us as we try to navigate these last few weeks with as little stress as possible so that my pressure will stay low and we can keep these babies in as long as possible!!

34 Week Update!

I've made it to a new milestone in this twin pregnancy! If I were to go into labor naturally at any point from now on, they will not take measures to stop it. Yay! That means that they would be considered healthy enough at this point for it to not be dangerous for them to come into the world. Even if they had to spend a little bit of time in the NICU, they would be quite healthy. I am proud of us for lasting this long!

So I received some good and bad news at my appointment yesterday. The good news is that both babies are measuring 5 lbs even and head down. They have never been more than a couple of ounces apart through the whole pregnancy, which is a very good thing for identical twins! It means that they are getting equal amounts of nutrients from their shared placenta. The doctor was also pleased with my blood sugar numbers and said that we can continue managing with diet only.

Now for the bad news. My blood pressure was high again for the second time in the last two appointments. It wasn't frighteningly high, but just enough to be concerned. The doctor ordered me to be on limited activity but NOT bed rest, praise the Lord! I am supposed to stay off my feet as much as possible but am still allowed to take care of my kids. I am being checked for pre-eclampsia but I am praying that it is just gestational high blood pressure, which isn't as dangerous as pre-e. I go back in a week and if my blood pressure is still high, then we will reconsider the timeline of when the best time for the babies to be born will be. They may come a little earlier than expected.

I am so thankful for family and friends who have come around to help us in so many ways! Right now two of my sisters in-law are downstairs cleaning my house for me. I am horrible about asking people for help and always feel bad but am very thankful for those who read between the lines and come over to help anyway. I better get used to it because I know that we will be needing more help after the babies come! We are learning a good lesson in accepting the kindness and generosity of others. :-)

Happy New Year

Happy New Year! It is now 2015. I can't believe how fast time seems to move these days. This is the year that my husband and I will turn 30. It's odd to think of myself as a near 30 year old because I still feel like a young lady. In my youth, a 30 year old was someone who had their life together and was, well, old! And now that I'm almost 30, it doesn't seem very old to me at all!

More importantly, however, is that this is the year our twins will be born. We will be seeing their sweet faces in no more than a month and that is incredible!! My only goals are for these babies to stay put as long as possible and for our family to make it through this year alive and well. That's not too much to ask for, right? ;-)

So please pray for us as we step into what will be the biggest year of our lives! It's going to be a crazy one and I am so excited!

10 Things I Can't Do That I Could With My Previous Pregnancies

This post is not meant to complain, but to remind myself that it is important to view things with a sense of humor sometimes and not take things so seriously. The other day somebody told me that I looked like a beached whale. I was not offended in the LEAST BIT because a) it was from someone that I am very close to who knows EXACTLY how I feel, also being a mother of twins and b) it is a very good description of how I actually feel. I probably wouldn't make it through the day if I couldn't see the humor in my many discomforts and annoyances. And looking at it from this perspective reminds me that I am blessed. The pain of being pregnant with twins is not a punishment, but an absolute gift from God that I am truly thankful for. 

So here it is, my list of 10 things that I can't do that I could do with my previous pregnancies:

1) Put on and take off socks

I actually CAN put on socks but it depends on the kind of socks, the time of day, and whether or not I can manage to hold my breath at the time. However, a friend from church gave me an occupational therapy care package complete with a sock putter-onner and a sock taker-offer (or what we call a "getter"). I'm sure they have other names but I don't know what they are. So now I can manage! I also have an amazing husband who literally gets a thrill out of putting my socks on for me. I guess it has something to do with me needing him. :-) I wonder how he'll feel when I ask him to cut and paint my toenails tonight. 

2) Drive

I can still manage to squeeze into the van to drive but the car is definitely off limits. With how fast these babies are growing, I'm sure I won't even be able to drive the van by my next OB appointment! 

3) Eat whatever I want

Yeah so I couldn't exactly eat whatever I wanted in my previous pregnancies but I never really had to worry. I ate well and managed to gain the minimum amount of weight in both pregnancies, but I didn't have to calculate every little thing before I even took a bite. "How much is a serving? Woah, a half of a cup isn't very much at all. How many carbohydrates are in this? How much of that is sugar? Does it have fiber in it? Okay, 23 minus 5. That's doable. Now I need something with protein. Protein. Protein. What has a good amount of protein in it?" This literally goes through my mind before I eat ANYTHING. And I didn't have to poke my finger 4 times a day! 

4) Bend over

Any woman who has ever been pregnant can tell you that bending over always gets difficult towards the end of pregnancy but I could still manage to do it with some discomfort. However, it has been a couple of months since I have been able to bend over without feeling lightheaded. And now the pain in my back, hips, and pelvis is so severe that bending over is just not really an option. I'm thankful to have willing little servants helpers who can easily bend over and pick things up for mommy! 

5) Special time with hubby

Impossible. Enough said. *blush blush*

6) Go out in public

I have never been so worried about germs in my life! I caught the swine flu when I was 37 weeks with my first and was SO sick! I ended up having to stay a night in the hospital. When my husband got sick a week later, I was so worried that we would be bringing our baby into a house of death. I can't imagine going through that while pregnant with twins! Now the chance of bringing germs into the house is much greater with two young children. The chances of having babies with compromised immune systems is also much greater with twins, so we are trying to limit contact with the outside world. I guess Amazon will be my buddy for the foreseeable future!

7) Make it through the day without crying

Whether it's broken glasses, almost late library movies, a sweet moment with one of the children, a kind gesture from my husband, a bad blood sugar reading, pain, lack of sleep, a sappy movie (or commercial), inability to find a shoe or my purse, or even the cat attempting to get on the kitchen counter, I can guarantee you that I will cry pretty much every day. 

8) Speak to my children calmly

I have no patience with the kids and I am constantly on the verge of exploding. I have been praying for patience and self-control but boy, those are hard to come by these days! 

9) Hold my children

This has been a tough one for me. I've never been big on carrying my kids around everywhere and only used some form of carrier when necessary, like when baby girl was always fussy when I was trying to make supper, but what mother doesn't enjoy holding her children on her lap and reading them a story or just giving them cuddles? I'm too big and uncomfortable for that now! As my son said the other day, "Mommy, your lap is getting buried." 

10) Get comfortable...ever

Yes, everyone knows that it is impossible to get comfortable at the end of pregnancy, but having more than one baby in there brings discomfort to a whole new level. And as my OB said at my last appointment, "It's going to get worse before it gets better!"

On the bright side, I know that it is all worth it. Soon we will have two new beautiful little blessings to add to our growing family. And I can only imagine how much easier future pregnancies (if there be such) will be! This has been a struggle and I know that the struggle will not end with the birth of our babies, but it is my prayer that God will use this experience to transform me into a more self-controlled,  patient, kind, mature, organized, and disciplined woman with a stronger desire to have a better relationship with the Lord. 

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4

eMeals

Have you ever heard of or tried eMeals? In case you are unfamiliar, you pay a small fee to receive a weekly meal plan with a grocery shopping list. They offer a variety of categories of meal plans- low calorie, budget friendly, low fat, paleo, gluten free, slow cooker, diabetic, kid friendly, simple gourmet, and many others. Most people who try eMeals seem to like it. We tried it about a year ago and really loved it. I mean, if Dave Ramsey endorses something, it must be good, right?? It helped us to save some money by having a meal plan and shopping with intention. We planned out each trip to the grocery store and didn't buy a bunch of extras that we would never eat. We used it for 3 months then decided that we had learned enough about meal planning to venture out on our own. It worked for a couple months, until I went back to my old way of meal planning- remembering at 4:30 that I have a family to feed and trying to scrounge something up at the last minute.

When I found out that I had gestational diabetes, I was at a loss for what food to eat! It wasn't like I could gradually change my diet, I had to change it immediately for the health and safety of myself and my babies. I really didn't know how to eat. I knew that I could manage for breakfast, lunch, and snacks but supper is always the most stressful meal of the day. Making something that a) everyone likes and b) is well-rounded and healthy can sometimes be a little tricky, especially with my style of last minute cooking.  So we decided to go back to eMeals and use their diabetic plan and figured that would at least help me with preparing a supper that the whole family would enjoy and that I could eat. 

So far we have used about a week and a half's worth of meal plans because of Christmas and spending time with family, but we have found some very interesting meals that we will definitely be making again. Our surprise favorite was Pineapple Glazed Meatballs with brown rice. The recipe called for whole wheat couscous but since we are trying to SAVE money, we decided to just use cheapo brown rice. I ate my meatballs on a very small helping of rice and it was so delicious! I gotta tell you, we aren't exactly known for our adventurous eating habits in this family, so this was a little out there for us and we weren't too excited to try it. But we all really liked it and my husband asked me to make it again sometime!  

So lesson learned. Just because it seems unusual to me, doesn't mean that it won't be good. It may just be my new favorite! I'll check back with more interesting meals when we come across them. For now, it's turkey chili leftovers tonight. Yum!! 

Major Update!

So I'm not very good at this. As you can see, it's been a while since I wrote a new post! A lot has happened in that time and I have had many ideas of what to write but never managed to make it to the computer with them. I wish I could say that I've just been too busy with Thanksgiving and Christmas and all that goes into the planning and preparing for both holidays, but I haven't actually been that busy since I decided to only leave the house out of absolute necessity a few weeks ago. I have just found other things to do with my time. Plus I have the memory of a peanut, making it difficult to remember to sit down and get to work.

So here is a not-so-quick update:

Our 5 year old son had surgery in mid-November to fix an intestinal issue. It was the most stressful and nerve-racking experience in my five years as a mother! However, he healed remarkably well and has had no other issues. Praise the Lord for a full recovery!

Right before Thanksgiving we were blessed with a beautiful mini-van for a very low price. The owner of the car lot goes to our church and gave us a fantastic deal, better than anything we could ever imagine! We are so thankful for him nudging us towards something that was a little out of our price range but that was completely worth it. It is the newest and nicest car that either of us have ever owned! We are living a debt free lifestyle so we paid cash and the van is officially ours!

We spent Thanksgiving with my husband's family then took off the day after for a trip to the Creation Museum in northern Kentucky for the weekend. We had a great time and learned a lot about God's creation! The kiddos did really well on the trip and we really enjoyed taking the road trip in our new van.

Where else do you get to ride a triceratops? 

Little girl LOVED the moving, roaring dinosaurs!

Shortly after returning from Kentucky the lovely ladies at my church threw me a baby shower! It was beautiful and fun and I feel blessed beyond measure that my church family was so thoughtful. We won't have to buy diapers for quite some time!

Our favorite time of the year is Christmas time and we really enjoyed taking part in our annual Christmas traditions! Decorating, looking at lights, baking, making gingerbread houses, singing Christmas hymns around the piano, and opening presents. We love celebrating the birth of Jesus by doing a nightly devotion with our Advent calendar. If it wasn't for our sweet boy loving that tradition above all others, we would have forgotten! My husband's family Christmas will be next weekend so it isn't quite over for us yet.

Our beautiful children

Our five year-old's first gingerbread house 

The boy loves setting up his own nativity scene

We are big fans of Christmas lights and were thrilled to have enough lights to put on the outside of the house this year!

My husband, son, and I worked together to make these cookies on Christmas day. A sweet woman from our church gave us the kit to make them, otherwise we never would have thought to do it!

Two very excited children on Christmas morning!

I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes in mid-December. I was so disappointed and remember crying the whole day I found out! I had never had issues with my blood sugar before and felt like it was the end of the world. I was quite dramatic about it. I had NO IDEA what to eat and the prospect of poking my finger with a needle four times a day for the next couple of months was quite daunting! However, it turns out that I have a pretty mild case and my doctor and I are hopeful that I can manage it with diet and stay off of medication. It has been difficult to retrain my brain from what I thought was good, healthy food to what is actually healthy for ME. Breakfast is the hardest meal of the day but I have been eating a lot of eggs and breakfast wraps. We joined eMeals with a diabetic family plan and have been able to eat some new yummy meals that everyone likes. I will be sharing some of my favorite meals on here in the future. My husband's family Christmas breakfast is oysters cooked with Bisquick and cinnamon rolls but I don't like oysters (or any seafood really) and I can only eat about 1/8 of one those delicious cinnamon rolls. So this week I am going to attempt to make my own diabetic friendly cinnamon rolls using almond flour, almond milk, applesauce, and Splenda. I'll update you on that venture!! 

I am currently 32 weeks pregnant with my sweet little twinnies! Despite being head down for most of our ultrasounds, they are currently head up. Baby B enjoys banging around inside the bottom of my rib cage and Baby A has decided that my bladder is a soccer ball. My back, hips, and pelvis have been more sore than I could imagine and I am waking up every hour at night to hips that are screaming in pain. Heaving myself to a different position is no easy task and it usually takes a while for me to fall back to sleep. I have contractions daily, although they are few and far between so I am not worried about pre-term labor (yet). At my last appointment I had a slightly high blood pressure which put the doctor on edge but since it went down a little bit after taking it again 15 minutes later, he said that we won't worry about it for right now. If it's high again at my next appointment then we'll go from there. My doctor is really great and believes in taking hurdles one step at a time and not dwelling on things that haven't happened yet, which cuts down greatly on the worry. But despite those things, the pregnancy is going well and we are praying for two healthy full term babies! 

Out of all the many ultrasounds we have had, our sweet girls have only had their heads apart once. Every other time their heads are right next to one another. I can't wait to see them sticking together after they are born!

This is me at 30 weeks with a tummy about as large as full term with my other two children. :-)

Pregnancy Brain

These crazy hormones are seriously messing with my mind! About a month ago I cried for an hour because my glasses broke then the next day I cried because I ALMOST forgot to bring movies back to the library. And it's not just my emotions, I feel fog headed and spazzy most of the time. For example, tonight I turned the burner on to make mashed potatoes and about 10 minutes later we noticed a burning smell. I made sure that there was nothing touching the burner and figured it must be something down in the stove that was burning because I didn't see anything that could possibly be making that smell. A few minutes later, I noticed that the potatoes in the pot looked a little funny. I stared at it for a long time before I realized that I had forgotten to put water in it!! The potatoes were burning! Hopefully I can make it through the rest of this pregnancy without burning down the house!