One group was dedicated to monochorionic-diamnionic twins (mono-di), which means identical twins who have separate amniotic sacs but share a placenta. I wanted to know as much as I could about what to expect in the coming months. However, I was very overwhelmed with the complications that could arise and found myself staring at picture after picture of babies in the NICU because they were born so early. Almost every post was about twice monthly growth scans and fluid levels and twin to twin transfusion syndrome (TTTS). The ladies in this group talked about how their babies developed TTTS in a matter of days and they discussed in detail the laser surgeries that they were having to fix the problem. There was a very lengthy group document about how to advocate for your twins and insist that you be seen by an OB or maternal fetal medicine specialist (MFM) every two weeks from 16 weeks on. It was so overwhelming to think about! I had been seeing my high risk OB once a month since 16 weeks and had never even seen an MFM. I felt so confused and behind and I felt like I wasn't being a good mother because I didn't insist that I have two ultrasounds a month.
I finally called my OB to talk about my concerns and he set my heart at rest. I don't remember exactly what he said to me, but I knew through that conversation that he cared about me and my babies and that I could trust him. He sent in a referral to see an MFM, which he was planning to do anyway, and reassured me that my babies were growing well and that I had nothing to worry about. I continued to follow the mono-di support group because it wasn't all scary stuff and I enjoyed looking at pictures of strong and healthy twins. I knew that all of those complications were rare and that I would most likely have healthy babies and reading the scary stories would only make me worry unnecessarily. But after voicing my opinion about feeling comfortable with my once a month visits for now and getting lectured, I left the group. I felt that it was an unhealthy environment for me to try to gain knowledge in all things "twins."
The lesson that I have learned from all of this is that while it's important to do research and find out what to expect, there are good and bad ways of setting out to do it. It's one thing to learn about the complications so you can be ready, but it's another to dwell on those things and seek out detailed information on every aspect of those possible complications. It is so easy to do and it just about drove me crazy with worry!
So, my challenge to anyone who just found out that they are expecting multiples is to STOP googling anything and everything you can find about possible complications and STOP worrying about what can happen so that you can START planning and preparing for their arrival.
-Pray for God's protection over your babies, for strength and health to carry them full-term, and for your healthcare team to have the wisdom and knowledge to help bring healthy babies into the world
-Find a good high risk OB in your area and set up an appointment right away to discuss expectations
-Make a list of items you think you'll need
-Make a list of ways to prepare your house for the arrival of two new babies
-Prepare some meals to put in the freezer
-Make something crafty for your babies
-Think of good, strong names that really mean something to you
-If you have young children, teach them how to be a little more independent
So many things can go wrong in any pregnancy and while multiple pregnancies have their own set of risks, it's important to remember that there is no reason to worry. Occupy your mind with better things and remember to pray and ask God to fill you with peace and cover your pregnancy with His divine protection. He has a plan, and it is good. :-)
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7
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